Please.

I was looking at my stats today, and realized it has been quite some time since I last posted.... and what a period of time it has been! When an extended period of time has passed, you start reflecting on what has happened. What seems like it should have happened over a long stretch of time was in reality only a matter of weeks. 


I still don't have a job - might as well start with that.  I've had first and second interviews, an interview that I thought was a third that was really a first, and days and days and days and days of sitting and waiting. The waiting is the worst. You try to convince yourself to not get your hopes up. You tell yourself to not expect anything. And yet, every time the phone rings, you can't help but jump and hope. 


There is a type of prayer called breath prayer.  Basically they are short, one sentence prayers that may be said in one breath as we breathe in and out(UMW). My adaptation has become a sort of phone ring prayer, consisting of the word "please" in time with the cycle of my phone ringing. 

*ring* "Please."
Please let this be something good.


*ring* "Please."

Please let it be someone calling me back.

*ring* "Please."
Please let this be an answer of some sort.


*ring* "Please."
Please. Just, Please.

There is also always the struggle to maintain some sort of optimism.  That might be the hardest part of all.  Keeping your head up, pretending it isn't as hard as it really is so that you aren't totally stressing out those around you. So that you aren't totally stressing out yourself. 

So, I will continue my prayers. I will continue telling myself that there is some sort of hope.

Eventually, I figure, something has to come true, right?