This Moment

This is a short story I wrote for a contest on NPR. It didn't win, but I am kinda proud of it and wanted to share. Enjoy!

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This Moment
M. Gard

Up until this point, everything was easy.

Don’t get me wrong - as it was all happening, it seemed like the hardest year ever.

Meetings, money, pandering, politicking - it was all just SO MUCH.  Every day I would wake up, convincing myself to keep going.  Every night I would ask myself if it was still worth it.   Did my ideas, beliefs, and supporters outweigh those yelling vitriol at me whenever I stopped long enough to listen?

I was so worried that I would filter too much, thinking I needed to hear the bad to stay motivated.  Finally Dee sat me down, pointing out that I was letting it keep me from what I care about - helping.  I was taken aback - I mean, really?  Me?  All I ever do is help my constituents, listen to their problems, try to find ways to fix everything.  Hearing that I was neglecting them was like taking a kick to the stomach. 

I decided at that moment to change, starting with having others filter out the negativity.  It helped lighten the mood, but I still understood the gravity of these moments I was experiencing.  I found that it was okay to still question what and why I was fighting, but now I used it to center myself.

There were other surreal moments - points in space where the gravity of it all seemed to be the only thing holding me down.  The convention was one of those moments. 

Because of the vote count, we knew what we wouldn’t say - “We could still lose.”  In the quagmire of politics nothing is ever certain.

But that moment - the one where I was standing in front of thousands chanting “USA”, accepting the nomination - held a panicked joy that I knew couldn’t be topped.  The song from every underdog movie of my childhood was stuck in my head on repeat, “We are the champions!”  I never spontaneously broke out of my prompted speech and into song.  I swear.  Everyone else joining in with my not-singing? Frosting and cherries.

It was crazy.  That’s all I can think that explains that moment when everyone cheered and the confetti and fireworks started flying and the music started playing and all I could see was my amazing family coming on stage to join me. 
Totally.
Completely.
Insane.

Topping that?  No way.  I knew that other moments would be awesome - finding out we won, being introduced as “President Elect”, touring the White House (anyone who says they don’t want to jump on the Lincoln bed is lying) - but that moment in the convention was our entire focus.

I was nuts to think that would be the best moment, that everything else would be easy. 

Now I’m here.

The Chief Justice is asking me to repeat after him, and all I can think is how quiet it seems. How loud he sounds.

“I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.”

The sound rushes in.  Up until that point I couldn’t hear anything but what The Chief was saying.  Now I can’t hear anything but cheering, feeling the rush of it break over me like a riptide, dragging my attention back out to the masses that have gathered.  I’m holding my breath, waiting, knowing it is about to get even louder.

Up until this moment, everything was easy.  Now?

Now, everything changes.

“Congratulations, Madam President.”

The XXX Olympiad

My last two weeks have been consumed by two things - a new job (YAY!!) and the Olympics.  I'll be blogging on the former later, as I'm trying to still wrap my head around it all and come up with something more coherent than "Holy crap holy crapholycrap!".  I would like to, for now, ruminate on a few things that have struck a chord with me during the XXX Olympiad.

First thought: "The XXX Olympiad"

Anytime I see "XXX", I can't help making the association with the movie XXX, and sports more often associated with youthful craziness and the X-Games. I find this association quite appropriate as sports like BMX biking are starting to be recognized by "the establishment" and gain so much ground at an international level.  I LOVE these sports. I love watching them, I love the dedication of the athletes, and I love the sheer doggedness of participating in something that you KNOW is going to make people think you are unworthy of recognition even as you give blood and sweat to it. The great thing about the XXX Olympics was that you very seldom heard the announcers discussing this aspect of these sports.  You instead heard them giving intelligent commentaries on the sport, the courses, and the athleticism of those competing. It was great.

Second thought: "Players vs. Politicians"

I don't know about the rest of you, but the local commercials where I am were taken over in an extremely high percentage by political smear ads.  We saw some national level ones too, but not as many (mainly due to the political leanings of this area).  It was one of those things I just kept tuning out, until around the time when all of the swimming finals started happening.

    At the end of each race almost every athlete, regardless of nationality or finishing-placement, would spend a moment of their celebration or defeat congratulating those around them on a well-swum race.  This happened over and over and over again.  And then, with the telecasting as it was, you would immediately cut to a commercial, often involving some politician or other tearing their opponents into shreds.  

    I'm a strange person.  I really like the time period surrounding elections.  I like hearing people's ideas on how to maybe help, I like seeing the possibilities of the future.  I like the process of it, of knowing that we can go through the process of it.  I know there are issues with it, and that it has so many problems, and that is what it is.  But.  I totally, completely, and indubitable HATE when politicians do this to each other. And this year? Only seems worse because of the in-your-face juxtaposition created by by the Olympics vs. politics.

There are many things that make me proud to live where I do - many things that make me, cliche as it may be, proud to be an American.  The Olympics and our participation therein are one of them.  Our political system is another.  The methods of the politicians? Not so much.

So, here's hoping that those politicians take some sort of lesson from the athletes of the XXX Olympiad.

Here's know that they probably won't.

One is Silver and the Other Gold

How do you console yourself when you are no longer a part of a group?
This is one of the things you deal with in a situation like the one I'm in. I had a life built in Texas. Sure, it wasn't perfect. The people weren't, the job wasn't, hell, I wasn't. But it was a life, and I tried to live it as much as I could. I laughed, I cried, I played, I mourned.... And I did it all with the friends and family that I still hold dear.

However, I'm not there anymore, and they still are. It's the little things that drive this home. Things that my friends are doing sound great, but are simultaneously heart breaking: a barbeque that everyone is spontaneously invited to, where I can imagine myself sitting on a deck having a glass of wine and a laugh - an evening gathering of friends old and new who all share a common bond and have conversations mysteriously cycle back to that bond time and again.

Every time I hear about something going on back there, there is a part of me that feels a little tug of sadness - just a bit of mourning for a life that was.  However, I then remind myself that nothing stays the same, nor should it.  The life I am building now is great. I've reconnected with old friends and am making new, while staying in touch with those that I have left.  I still work, play, and live as much as I can, enjoying every moment for exactly what it is - a brief moment that has gifted me with the opportunity to make a new memory. All memories we have, new or old, are a precious gift for us to treasure, and I hold all of them - good and bad - close to my heart, thanking God for the opportunity to make them.

A Tale of Two Interviews

I had a second interview! The interesting thing is that this is the second second interview I've had in the recent past, and they couldn't have been any more different from each other.  My interview today was everything that I believe a second interview should be, and the first one I went on was the opposite. 

Today's interview was great - very little review of what was covered in the first interview, and lots of building specifics pertaining to my skills and abilities. I felt that they were interested in learning what I can bring to the table in order to help the organization grow.  

The first time I had a second interview? Yeah, totally different story.  That interview was basically a recap of the entire first interview, and consisted of me attempting to share the exact same information in a new and interesting way.  The whole time it was happening I was having a hard time not thinking, "Why are you asking this?  A - I already gave you all these answers. B - ALL of this information is on my resume - did you even read my resume?!"

So - thank you to those who interview well.  Thank you to those who take the time to learn about those they are interviewing, and allow us to build more upon what we've discussed with you in the past.  Keep up the good work!

A Job A Job!

Well, I have a job!!  It's part time, and only for a month, but it is SOMETHING!  Is it silly that I am as psyched about it as I am? I think not.

It gets to a point, when you are unemployed, that no matter how much you find to occupy your time, how many things you volunteer for, how many books you read to distract yourself, that you just start getting BORED.

So, I will be teaching swimming lessons, and I'm really kinda psyched about it. I get to be around people (well, kids, and they often count more than adults do!), get out of the house, and get some exercise in the process.

Wish me well!!

The NEW Job Count

I've found myself getting, understandably, frustrated as of late.  Much of this can be attributed by a company that has been stringing me along for about the last three months now.  So, I'm working to come at this with a new, and hopefully improved, attitude.

So, I'm starting a Job Count (as seen to the right!!) per the suggestion of a great friend.  I'll tally how many applications I've sent in, how many times I've heard back (beyond just the auto-reply that comes from everyone), and how many interviews I've gotten from those applications.  And I'm doing this all from a brand new Square One - with the first applications having gone in last Friday.

So. Wish me luck.  Also, let me know if there is anything else I should include in the count!!

I Just Want To Thank You...

This year I found myself coming into my birthday much differently than I have in recent history. For the past handful of years I have operated by the "celebrate more" motto, and I knew that, solely due to my personal situation, this year would be different. This isn't a bad thing, it is, just, well, different. 


So, I found myself approaching my birthday not in what you would call the best of moods. Between the moving thing, the no job thing, and multiple other factors, I was just not in a great head space. (See prior post for stellar proof of this!)


Then my birthday happened. 


There are many people out there who mock social networks. They say that they are sending people further apart from each other, breaking the personal connections that they would otherwise have if they were communicating face to face. I'm here to tell you, though, that they are completely wrong.   


The well-wishes started coming in as early as the night before, and they didn't stop all day long.  Let me tell you - for someone who is feeling a little lonely, having so many people from all over the place wishing me a happy birthday is an amazing thing.  I know it isn't difficult. I know it is just something quick you do when you log onto Facebook or G+ and see the reminder that it is someone's birthday, but it means so much.


So I am writing today to thank you all.


Thank you for being there.  Thank you for constantly telling me that it will get better, and to keep my head held high.


I know this song was intended originally in a "significant other" type of situation, but it just seemed to fit.


So...... I Just Want to Thank You....